Why Your Team Sucks 2026: Miami Dolphins

Some people are fans of the Miami Dolphins. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Miami Dolphins. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: “To win games, you have to win the game, not lose the game, honestly. And that, that is how you lose the game.” 

Your 2025 record: 7-10, featuring a 2-7 start that got Dolphins GM Chris Grier fired after 900 years on the job. Everyone assumed that head coach Mike McDaniel, whose act wore thin faster than Sarah Cooper’s, would get the axe shortly thereafter. But in a stunning display of ownership complacency, McDaniel and his fancy watch collection held onto the job till the bitter end, guiding his charges to five wins in their remaining eight games, putting them out of favorable draft position in the process. Awesome. Kickass. Fuck me with a trident.

If you recall, the Dolphins were a fun watch right at the beginning of McDaniel’s tenure. They would send five different guys in motion before every snap, and QB Tua Tagovailoa—no longer burdened by having to play for a head coach who actually expected things of him—would get the ball to one of the speed demons populating every skill position group. It was exhilarating while it lasted. The problem is that it lasted for roughly 10 minutes. After that, the whole enterprise took on the sheen of the Jay Fiedler-era Dolphins, only more expensive.