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Why Your Team Sucks 2026: Dallas Cowboys
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Some people are fans of the Dallas Cowboys. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Dallas Cowboys. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.
Your team: Hit ‘em with the griddy, you little fucker. When else am I gonna get to use this clip to puff my chest? I gotta take my fun where I can get it.
Your 2025 record: 7-9-1. You and I can normally count on the Dallas Cowboys to sabotage their own chances during the course of any given season, but in 2025 team owner and latent segregationist Jerry Jones decided to sabotage everything in advance by trading away All-Pro pass rusher Micah Parsons to Green Bay mere days before the season began. May as well cut your brakes before hopping into your car.
