Tugboat Wilkinson Has Steamed Into Port

We had moderate hopes for Tugboat Wilkinson in his major-league debut, just because his nickname and carriage merge so harmoniously. But because the San Francisco Giants clearly hate all of you, we didn’t get nearly enough tug, or boat.

Wilkinson, whose real name is Matt, is only the second Tugboat in major league history after Thurman Munson, and he comes by his nickname with the fullest honesty. He is listed at 6-foot-1, 250 pounds, and has the front porch to suggest that the second number may be only an estimate, but that’s not the hook. It’s not even the fact that his best pitch has the 1934-styled nickname “invisiball.”