World’s Most Normal Goalie: “The Past Is Dead, There’s Nothing For You There”

When last we checked in with Devin Cooley, he was serving as the backup goaltender for one of the worst teams in the league—I mean, downright putrid, couldn’t-pay-me-to-watch bad. Not a lot has changed about the Calgary Flames in 11 months. They have two wins so far, second-fewest in the NHL. They have allowed 37 goals, second-most in the league. They’re sporting a goal differential of minus-20 in just eight games played, which means that if you attend a Flames game, you should expect to see them lose by multiple goals. In practice they have lost multiple games by four, and multiple games by five.

It takes a type to thrive in that environment, and Cooley might be that type. All goalies are strange—they are under constant, ego-deforming pressure, and must spend an unhelpful amount of time alone in their own minds—but Cooley is rare in being able to describe his specific flavor of strange. In that interview last year, he displayed a mindset that while nihilist on its face, is probably pretty healthy in its ability to compartmentalize each save, each game, and wall it off from the saves and games he has yet to face. “Nothing matters,” he said, “nobody cares, we’re all going to die.”

So, what would the Flames’ poor 2026 start do for Cooley’s mood? Well, ah, at least his bunny Tito seems in good spirits. Good for Tito. He’s the only living being who can attend a Flames game and not suffer psychic damage.