More Like A Colossal Piece Of Shit

The story begins with a man fixated on the idea of a German Shepherd, which was first bred for its wolf-like appearance and obedience as a worker. He is less invested in the dog as an animal as he is in the dog as a symbol of loyalty and obedience, always valuable traits under an authoritarian regime. He is also interested in tinkering with the dogs to hone them as weapons of war.

I am speaking, of course, of the American entrepreneur Ben Lamm, one of the founders of the new defense technology company Warhound, which has raised $200 million in funding to create genetically modified dogs for the U.S. military, and law enforcement. The promotional art for Warhound is laughably fascist, featuring several German shepherds garbed like Tier 1 operators. They wear tactical vests and protective sunglasses and helmets. Two of the dogs are totally white for reasons that are unclear but also unsettling.

I’ve written about Ben Lamm before and the gripes I have with his most famous startup, Colossal Biosciences, which has raised hundreds of millions of dollars in ostensible pursuit of its promise to “de-extinct” the mammoth and other flashy prehistorics despite being dishonest about what “de-extinction” really means. Although I did not predict Colossal’s next outlandish project would rise to the bar of “genetically-modified murder dogs,” I can’t say I’m surprised. In classic Colossal fashion, these war dogs do not exist yet. Also in classic Colossal fashion, the company has promised a short timeline: puppies early next year and dogs in military service in two years.