There Is No Simple Trick To Making Friends As An Adult

Last week my husband and I hosted a group of friends and acquaintances to celebrate our one-year anniversary of living in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. We marked the occasion by eating snacks and talking about our respective art practices. At one point, the group went around and said how they knew us and I watched with amusement as most people told versions of the same story: me walking up to them at work, at the coffee shop, at the farmer’s market, and introducing myself.

I do not think of myself as a particularly social person. I am in bed with a book most nights by 8:00 p.m. and one of the ways my clinical anxiety manifests itself is through being afraid of new people. Maybe my saving grace is the fact that I was forced to move across the country every 2-3 years growing up with my military family. Against the odds, I’ve turned into a person who is able to establish roots in new places with relative ease.

But even with a lifetime of practice, the prospect of Making Friends As An Adult often feels daunting. Do you know how many times I have cried in the last three years over shallow roots, loneliness, and a lack of community? More than five, for sure! Many adults lack the social infrastructure that places them alongside potential friends by default—things like church or and Elks Lodge or whatever. Add in working remotely, and it can be very easy to go several days without speaking to another person. How are you supposed to find your people?